Something worthwhile

It is funny how I feel the need to do something worthwhile- I mean, I went to work today, "sample packed" my stuff to see exactly how many suitcases it was going to take to get home and then went to the tailor to get the costumes for my concert on Wed. Night and then I made a quick stop at the grocery store - but even then I still feel as if I have done nothing all day - I think it is because I haven't learned anything today - I mean consciously. I am sure I learned things - but today I feel the need to blog so that I can so something worthwhile and re-hash what I learned. So- what did I learn today - I can't think of anything really....But I have been thinking about what I would blog- and I remembered what I read in Francis Schaffer's book - True Spirituality - I have been reading this book for a while- and yes I should be finished by now - but I have read a few books while I have been reading this one - I mean - I am also reading Sherlock Holmes and I read that book about Anglicans - so anyway.....I was reading that FS book and I read a line that took me back. It was so simple and yet so new- it was so true and rang with its trueness and yet I felt as if I had never seen or heard anything like it- but it was so simple that I am sure I have heard it over and over and over. But I read this line and I read it again and then again. It went something like this....We are not just collections of isolated parts. "there is a Francis Schaeffer who is neither just a collection of isolated parts, nor yet just a flow of consciousness. Anything that hurts that unity is destructive of the very basic thing that man is and that man needs to be." p. 123 as I read this I thought about my life - I mean I often segment my life - I like to pretend that I have one part of my life that goes to work, another part of my life that plays with my friends and then another part that delves into theology and loves ideas. But this is not true - and actually the part of me that likes to segment my life is the part of me that is destroying the unity that makes me "man." I mean, the fact that I can think about my life this way shows that I am trying to find continuity between all my parts - and when I can't find it I separate my life into parts that make sense. But it is this sense of "disunity" that drives me to different jobs, different countries and different adventures. And all the while I am really seeking being "whole." I mean - I just want to be the same person in all the different places and things in my life - I want to be authentic and whole. I think this is why I long for community - with God in worship and with others - because that is the only way that I see me finding the key to "wholeness."