Am I still trying to please men?

You know - for living in the freaking Middle East, there is still a lot of Chr ist ian baggage that I have to put up with - it is amazing how we pressure each other with "works" - I mean, here I am trying to live a life of love and make friends - I have coffee with them (like I did today with a long blond from South Africa) and I have sheesha with them (like I did last night with a covered lady from Syria) and I have other friends from all over - I am going to supper with a Lebanese Canadian, etc. etc. So - here is the story that prompted this blog. Being that this is a Muslim country, people dress very conservatively - especially women. All of the local women wear and Abaya (pronounced ah - by - ah) which is a black "cloak" for lack of a better word, that covers all the curves and contours of their bodies. It goes from shoulder to wrist and all the way to the floor - all you see is black! And then on top of this, they wear a shayla that covers their head, hair, eyes, etc. They are at best ninjas and you can see their eyes - or they are completely covered and you can see nothing at all. So, that is what local women wear - the Levanti women wear "normal" clothes and some of them wear a head scarf to cover their hair and neck, and others do not. And then there are the western ladies - who wear anything from tube tops to ankle length skirts! Well, last night I went over to a friend's house wearing what I had been wearing all day - a t-shirt and jeans. This t-shirt was not tight, but it did fit me and the jeans were sloppy, slouchy - the way I like them! As the door opened, they looked at me with eyes that clearly stated "I can't believe she is wearing that!" I mean - I don't know these people well, I simply babysit their kids while they meet with other friends - but I mean "COME ON!" I wasn't wearing anything indecent! But it hit me - you know, all day at school I never once thought of anyone as looking at me as dressed funny, or even weird - much less indecent. These people all have very different religious views than I do - and yet all of them just let me be me - and then there were my Ch ris tian friends - they had this idea of what someone should look like, and I was not it! And amazingly with one look they were able to heap guilt and doubt about whether I was really living for J, making a difference in the world and whether or not I should just go back home right now! It is crazy! I mean, even here - out of the church culture - we still have our "works lifeboat" and amazingly we can still kick people out of this life boat!
Then I was reading in Gal. You know, that book is so relevant to my life right now! I was reading about Peter and his "stunt" about acting like an Israelite and then acting like a gentile - all to stay in the current life boat! And this event is retold to us after Paul tells us very clearly what he thinks about men and their wired ideas. It starts with Paul stating clearly that he is not sent by men or from man, but in contrast he is sent by God. Paul starts right away blasting the Galatians - and starting in verse 10 he hits home on his idea, asking three rhetorical questions - all with the word "men" in them! It is very clear here that he is contrasting "men" with "God" - and he is stating very clearly that he has jumped off the life boat and is no longer concerned with the ideas of man! This is then reiterated - after a great theological discussion of grace, works and life in the Spirit - with my favorite verse in the book - 6:14 - a prayer that I want to live! "May I never boast except in the cro ss of our Lord J Chr ist, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world!"
I don't think of this often enough - but as I stood at the door of my friend's house, in my jeans and t-shirt- I wanted someone to tell me that I was ok, that I wasn't "bad" because my morals were "different" and I wanted someone to tell me to take a seat in the life boat! But this verse makes it very clear - the life boat is sunk, I have been crucified to the "life boat" and the life boat has no impact on me! I am free to live by the Spirit - to not compare, to not strive to be "right" and put down those who are "wrong" - but I am free to live as one who has no tie to this world but the love that has been created in me - the new creation!
I hope this isn't too heady.....I don't want to be heady - but I think that I need to continue to wrap my head around this issue of finding my strength and identity in others incorrectly - and rather find myself unified with others through the work on the cross!