What a day!

Today has been a day with a full range of emotions - let me set the stage....I got in from a great road trip last night at 1:00 am - and I had been up till 12 the night before that packing my crap and my sister's crap - I had also been to the post office in 114 degree heat that morning to send some packages on their merry way back to the US - so I had a very busy weekend- not a moment to spare ...Literally! So, I was beat when I woke up at 8:30 this morning - I wanted to stay in bed but the "achiever" in me started spitting out the "to do list" the minute my eyes were open and I couldn't get back to sleep. So, I woke up and got ready for the crowd that was soon to descend on my house for our "Friday meeting." I began to get the rest of my "souk" (the Arabic word for outdoor market/store of any kind - of course mine was in my bedroom....But none the less a souk!) and finished making the coffee, the tea, realizing that I was out of drinkable water and milk - a problem when you want to offer your guests cream to go with their coffee - but, I have learned that Martha Stewart and I will never be the same, so I am used to not having the "perfect" entertainment experience - so anyway....Back to the range of feelings. So, people show up and I realize that there are guests - not a regular event - some friends had people visiting them from the US and one of them was going to speak to us - it was different but I settled in quickly and learned a bit from the guy - the main thing was that I realized I completely ignore a passage in scripture that tells me how to grow in my likeness of J - 2 peter 1 - but that is another blog because - then I left this to have a time of prayer with the girls - and it hit me....I am leaving! I won't see these people! YIKES! I love them and they have added so much to my life. I may have only known them for a short time - but I love them and they love me and I am leaving them to go home to a place with no friends, no money and no life because I have to do so much! yick! And then the madness started - where are the plates? Do you have pot holders? How do you turn on your oven? Where are we going to eat? How much does this cost? yada yada yada - But I love it when all the people are enjoying themselves and having fun - it is great! In the midst of this one of my friends caught me and asked how I was doing and referenced some of my blogs - to let me know that I couldn't shit him - he knew I was having a few bum days - and as I started to explain what was going on, I was fighting the tears - I don't know why...I mean I can't wait to get home... And yet I feel as if a chapter in my life is ending and the things I learned here are so precious to me that I feel as if a return to normal life will return me to my normal relationship with J - and that scares me! Maybe that was why I was battling with tears at the thought of packing my crap - or it could be because I am a girl and we do inexplicable things like that! So anyway we ate, and then played a game - all of us that are leaving soon - and then people started to leave - but a few hung out and we chatted about assorted things - and I was alone. But I didn't have to stay that way, we all hung out again tonight and watched 24 - and it was great to be around people - I guess I feel as if I am in a community vacuum, or as Vicki would say"I am becoming increasingly aware that I live my life alone." I guess because I am single and I can "pick up and move any time I want" means that I often have the attitude of transience and lack of permanence. However, I am realizing the importance of maintaining relationships - these people I walk with here are the only ones who have held my hand as I walked through tough issues in my theology - and no one else can understand that the way they do - and if I was married I would have someone to go to the next place with me, who understands what I have been through and where I am headed - this DOES NOT mean that I am itching to be married, want to be married or am even considering marriage in any way - I am simply saying that is the truth - so....Since I want to be single - for right now until I am 50 :) - I have to think about how I combat that "weakness" in my singleness - and I know that as I take these pictures that are so important to me right now, that in a year I will be thinking "I can take that one off my board - I haven't even heard from them in 3 months!" but I don't want that to happen! So, I don't know what I am going to do - but I have to do something to make sure that these people are still apart of my life and that I am still apart of theirs! Because I want to be reminded of all that God did in me throughout this community! But it is late now and I have a boring day at school tomorrow - so I have to sleep! :)