Friday nite

In my lap lays the hose for the shisha pipe – yep, I broke it out in Seminary housing! But I am discreetly locked into my room – so no one will be the wiser…as long as none of you tell them! The computer screen reverberates with Wilco’s electric mellow sounds and my head has the faint fog that comes with inhaling shisha too fast! The haze in the room is due to the fact that I have opened the window and the humidity of Dallas is flowing into the room, even though I am on the fourth floor. It feels a little like Dubai, just 20 degrees cooler! People are still amazed at my ability to not think of 97 as hot..but soon I will be amazing them at the fact that I think 70 is freezing!
Today I went for a hike at the Cedar Hill State Park – the biggest hills in these parts – not any bigger than the dunes immediately outside of Al Ain, but a hill none the less. I was amazed first at my lack of enthusiasm at seeing the green and the lake- it is quite disturbing that I have adopted other people’s longing for “true nature” – you know the trees and cliffs of Yosemite, the mountains of the Cascades or the Rockies – or even the tree covered mountains of NC…yet I am here surrounded by trees and even a lake – I mean a real body of water…and I was comparing it to “prettier” places I have been and it didn’t measure up – but I quickly applied my newly learned skill of noticing when I am comparing, and just decided to enjoy it for what it was – and then I saw incredible beauty...you know Dallas has these trees that are really different from trees that you normally see. Their bark is dark and lays piled on top of the trunk in such a way that it looks like a fur that coats the tree. And the shape of the trees are so unique – they stretch and turn in ways that most trees would never dream of – with the end result looking like a furry monster reaching up out of the ground, contorted into various positions and covered in tiny green leaves. They are comical, scary and entertaining subjects to observe. And then as I was pondering these great creations, I rounded a bend and then was in the midst of this forest of tiny sticks of trees – and immediately the air took on that mysterious quality that only a forest can bring, sunlight streaming through the leaves, leaving shifting shadows on the ground and actually turning onto beams in front of you eyes – it was awesome. I just stopped in my tracks to enjoy it…it was great! I set out on this trip because I have had a huge need for nature, to worship God in his creation and to think, uncluttered by traffic noise and people….it means a lot to just be able to hear the rustling of a grasshopper before it jumps to the next blade of grass – an to watch its path as it pushes the tall blade down, just a bit, under the slight weight of its body – and to feel that creepy feeling of a spider web across your face and then trying like mad to get it off of you!
The last few puffs of the pipe…ahhhhh shisha!
I seem to be a ball of emotions today – I have been reading a lot, Don Miller, Pastor Rick’s book – and it has occurred to me that I might be running from true community because I refuse to let people really love me – I mean, it is hard for me to take things from people – I feel when I do that I have to do something to earn their respect for the gift that was given me…. And then the thought occurred to me that maybe my boycott of marriage could be this too…I mean, what if I am running from marriage because it means that I would have to let someone love me! And then, what am I supposed to do about it – I mean I haven’t had many proposals lately…none to be exact – so how do I allow the possibility of marriage without getting consumed by it? How do I let people love me? And how do I receive grace? I mean, how do I let God’s love into my life in such a way that I am not trying to earn some kind of future blessing from Him too? So…..the shisha is finished ……….