Out running my curse

What is it about me that always wants something more? I mean, no matter how great my friends are, or how great my school is or how great my overall life is - there is always that something that makes me want to move to Australia - because no one is cursed in Australia...Right? I think it has to do with the fact that I have this uncanny ability to look at the good things in life, I focus on those and ignore all the little things that remind me that this earth is not the new earth - and then, things happen...Like I have to pay bills, I have to go to work, I have to not sleep in for a month...And counting, and then I surprise myself - because these things start to bother me, yeah verily, they usurp my life - and then I think "I just need to get married!" or if it has to do with money "I just need to move to South Korea and be with Joe!" - so I am always solving problems with something that I think will solve all my problems! And then I realize that my hope does not lie in the return of Christ, but rather in the hope of being married and having someone pay my bills! How Pathetic! I mean - yeah right! But then, I woller in the fact that I am pathetic - oh! To be able to live with God's perspective on my life, on my bills, on my loneliness, on my friends, on my time, on the minutes that string into days that string into weeks and months and a lifetime - I want to not seek happiness in this life - I want to seek God! I don't want to wish for something more, for something to make me handsome, rich or wise - I don't want to have one had in a pot of gold and the other in the side of Christ! I want to live with seeing all that is in my life - even the details of mortality...I have to eat, sleep, take a shower, pay my bills, do my homework, go to work -even if it is boring - the details of mortality! I want to see these details as Christ did - He did not loathe His humanity, He did not long to be rescued from this world - He understood that humanity needed to be redeemed - not eradicated! I want to long not for worldy pleasures, but for the only thing that can really fulfill - redemption!