Protest or prodding

Yesterday, I dressed up in my Abaya and went to class. We were celebrating the fact that it was all saints day and we wanted to represent the saints around the world. I was worried, because I wore my abaya to work on Wed. And everyone thought I was dressed as a terrorist. This really bothered me because I knew that the people who dressed like that were not all terrorists. I felt as if my people were being assaulted because of the fear of americans. So I was afraid that the Christians at school would have the same response and I would be angry. But, I decided to wear it anyway. And that was the response I got- people just stopped in their tracks when they saw me - and I was mad and sad! I couldn't believe it! I mean, we are Christians and we are supposed to love others - now granted it is kinda weird to see someone fully covered in the states - especially at a seminary! :) So I was trying to cut them some slack - but I was mad! So, I sat in my Greek class, frustrated with the response I was getting from fellow students - but then my Greek prof did the coolest thing! He said that because I was dressed up and we were having a lecture series in chapel this week on Islam, that we should take some time to pray for those people around the world working among Muslims. So we went around the room and told the names of people that we know that work in the Muslim world. And then we took time to pray for these people! It was so cool! We took 20 min out of class to recognize the hard work of our brothers and sisters around the world! And then, as we were praying, God convicted me - really convicted me! One of my brothers in my class prayed - and he started this prayer with a confession of how it made him feel when he saw me - he said that he was sorry for not having love and feeling a lurch in his stomach at the site of me! It was great! But then, I realized that I was not happy - I was mad! I mean, he had acted like that to me - and that made me mad! But wasn't the reason that I dressed up to make people understand that we have a few sisters that wear the Abaya? Why did I not feel joy at his confession and his statement that he wants to love them? Why? Because I was protesting! I wanted to show people how wrong they were! I wasn't doing this to encourage love - I was doing this to show people how stupid they are! YIKES! I sat there and wept! I had not been doing this to prod people to love like Jesus, I had been doing this to show how right I was!
I realized that there is a big difference between protesting and prodding - they both want to uncover wrong, they both want to encourage change - but protesting does that out of anger and prodding does it out of love - protesting wants to show people that I am right, but prodding wants people to confess their wrongs and have a deeper love! I was amazed at how selfish I had been - trying to prove my "rightness!" - Me, trying to show how others don't love like Jesus - and there I was, angry at them and not loving them! WHAT A HYPOCRITE! And what incredible grace - to show me my sin, and then call me gently to Himself to be more like Him! What an incredible God we serve, Whose love knows no end! May He continue to show me how to live out that love!