sinking

I got a note from my sister today telling me that she is moving to Washington state. I knew that she was moving. My brother and Green will be moving to Washington to help with a church plant there. They are taking a huge step of faith – and for that they are my heroes. It is not often anymore in our day and age that people will re-locate to love others – and this is exactly what they are going to do. I am so proud of them and I can’t wait to see and hear all that J teaches them on this adventure. But when I got the email today that said they will be leaving before I get home, it hit me – I won’t be living close to my family for the rest of my life. I have known this for a long time, but Josh and Green moving just makes this a bit clearer. I was crushed at the thought that I won’t get to see them until Christmas. It made my life choices hit home. I began to think that when I graduate I want to live overseas- away from my family. I know that I will keep in touch with my brother, and I already have plans for the “world’s best road trip” with Green next summer to celebrate our 30th – road trip from Dallas to Seattle with stops at the Grand Canyon, Yosemite and Vegas – man, it is going to be AWSOME!!! But I think that it just highlighted the fact that when I move I will be doing it by myself. I won’t have a husband and a few kids to watch the journey. I won’t have my best friend to meet me at the door and ask how my day was. I won’t have people to fuss with, people to bring up my ugly past and to remind me of how far God’s grace has brought me. I will have to do that through the internet- and make sure that I bond quickly with those in my new home – and live honestly before them in community. I think that this was why I reacted so much to the news that they were really moving. I love them so much and will miss seeing them the few times that I am on the east coast. It seems that the last few weeks I have been longing for a life partner. I say it that way because I don’t want to “be married” but rather I want someone who will partner with me. I want someone to watch the grace of God at work in my life – someone to have fellowship with and someone to have community with. Isn’t it whacked that my brother and sister move and it makes me want to get married!!! But that is where I sit. All week I have been singing “Great is Thy Faithfulness” – and that line that “all I have needed Thy hand has provided” keeps ringing in my ear. I remember a discussion I had with a friend before I left. She was talking about a boy she had a crush on and how she really wanted to get married. I remember telling her that it was pretty simple- either j provides for us or He doesn’t. I said that our hope was to be on Him and His return, not a husband. She winced and said that she wanted to at least hope to have sex before He came back. I laughed and said that if Jesus coming back wasn’t better than sex than I didn’t want any of this Christianity stuff! I think now I am having to eat my own words. Either He provides for me or He doesn’t. I know that He will give me what I need – but I am just impatient and wish that He would either take away the desire or give me a man :)