So I figured out something!

Ok, so here I sit at my computer, with country music in the background - I would tell you who is singing but I haven't been in the states and I don't know who these people are that are being piped through my satellite TV music stations - and I am about to cry over that fact - man I am really messed up! Anyway, here I sit, music playing, lights out and the AC humming in the background - and I sit at 11:30 to write down my thoughts - because today I realized some things about myself - One, I don't really like living here - Two, I don't like hanging out with non-followers when other followers are there (and I don't know these other followers very well - so I don't know where they stand on things) So, to the first - I realized today through some conversations that I don't really like living here. I have boiled it down to three reasons - the first is my personality. My personality that used to be wild and crazy and up for anything has mellowed so much that I feel as if I am a shadow of what I once was and this thought is vomitous to me. The second reason is that I don't like teaching KG 2 (kindergarten) and I think that doing it with kids that saying "I want to go to the toilet" gets applause because they actually asked in English makes it even harder! And the third reason is that I am not teaching anything of substance and that I feel as if the alphabet should be philosified or something so that I will want to teach it- and so I have turned into this heady person who talks out her neck all the time! So, I have decided that because of these things I don't want to live in Al Ain - but I am here now for the next few months so I am going to ignore these facts and dig in!
the second thing I realized tonight as I was at a school function with western expats and so there was drinks involved and then there were Indian followers and another American follower - but I wanted to drink and yet I was worried about what they would think - and then I thought but will the other people think if I don't drink? And I was so caught up in this that I realized that it is really hard to please everybody and get it right - but I tried- and did a horrible job at it!
so - there it is a little revelation about my life here!