My favorite pastime

You know, if I was honest about what I do most to make me feel better about myself there is only one thing that would always win - I don't go hiking (though I love a good romp in the woods) and I don't read a book (though I am always ripping through the pages of some great or not so great novel) and I don't get lost in movies (though I always love a good flick!) There is one thing that I indulge in daily - sometimes hourly! - that always makes me feel way better! No matter what is going on in my life, happy or bad, I can jump into my pastime without a moments notice and revel in my happiness. The only problem is that the happiness that comes from my favorite activity is cheap and passes often, so it requires me to return to it again and again so that I can live a happy life. It is by far my worst addiction and one that I often stand in denial that it even exists! This is my favorite pastime - comparing. I am a pro! I mean whether I am in a good mood or a bad one, I compare myself to others so that I feel as though I am secure. I am overwhelmed by how much time I spend comparing people to me - and I am drawn even further out into the Rip tide as I realize that I spend most of my time comparing proving that I am better than they are! For instance: If I am mad I think "I would have done this" or if I am in a good mood, I think, "I am doing so good compared to.." Or "I am so glad that I can enjoy this, unlike...." Or like this morning, I think "they have kids, are married and have a life - so why do they always presume on the single girl - oh I know! I have more time because I am not married - even though I work A FULL TIME JOB! And they do nothing! - right! Katy can do it!" but even in that statement I realized how much I compare - it wasn't that I was mad that I was serving, I was mad that they were acting like I had more time than they do! WHAT A JOKE!! Then I thought about what they probably thought -"We have kids and a family and are learning Arabic, I wish we had more time like Katy to do fun things for other people!" And it hit me - comparing goes both ways and is an endless cycle! So I ran to the book to remind myself about what it says about this awful pastime! At the end of His time on earth, after His resurrection, J was talking to Peter. They were talking about the end of Peter's life and Peter turned to look at John and asked J about what would happen to him - then J told Peter not to worry about what He chose to do to others, but to follow Him! Isn't that just like me - thinking I am better than" so and so" or understand deeper than "so and so" and I ask J, "what can you possibly do though someone like that?" and I hear Him saying "don't worry about them- FOLLOW ME!" and then Paul! J didn't stop there in His directions to us in this area - Paul in Galatians spend the last two chapters talking about this idea! He starts with saying that we are saved by grace and then gets to the height of his letter - explaining how this will change the way we live because we didn't earn our salvation but rather we are saved by the effort of Christ - and that alone! He starts chap 5 chatting about how we are set free to be free - not to be enslaved to the idea that we have to do something to remain in God's good graces. He then talks about how all that matters is J and that we should have a faith that shows itself in love (vs 6)- not in being better or worse than others. Then he asks why they have forgotten this and then tells them that our freedom is given to us so that we can love our neighbor as ourselves (vs. 14) He then tells them that this devouring and biting each other will end in their destruction. He tells them that they way they are to stop this is by walking in the Sp. He gives a list of what walking in the flesh looks like - and unbelievably it looks like: hatred, discord, jealousy, selfish ambition, dissentions, factions, envy, and the like. (vs.19-21) All of these things are results of comparison - when I start picking other people apart and making myself feel better by comparing myself to them this is what happens. But then Paul gives the fruit of the Sp - all of these are based on the Sp making me different! They are all based in community - not comparison. After he gives the list of the fruit that comes form living in the Sp, he tells us that we should not become conceited, comparing and envying one another. (vs. 26) Amazing! He has to say it again because he knows that in our flesh we will start thinking that the fruit of the Sp is a way to mark ouesleves as "good: or "not as good as ..." as he tells us again - don't compare! walk in step with the Sp and don't worry about anyone else! But he goes on.... Then Paul talks about restoring one who has sinned (6: 1-2) and this is only possible without trying to make myself better than others - Paul makes this clear in vs. 4-5 that we can only help others when we carry what is our own and think rightly of ourselves WITHOUT comparison! after he chats about some other things he gives his prayer - vs. 14 -15 - and this has become my prayer as well! "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord J CH, through which the world has been cruc ified to me and I to the world! Neither circumcision or uncircumcision is anything" (not being smart, or cute, or moral, or not a drinker, or not a cusser, or a good witness, or always "doing the right thing" or anything matters! it isn't anything!) "what counts is a new creation!"
Oh that I might really mean that - and make my favorite -pastime rejoicing in the cross and the work that was finished and not what I have "accomplished" on my own, or how much better I am than "so and so" - but that all that would matter is being a new creation! All based on the cross, not anything I have done or not done!