Slothfulness

This is one of the seven deadly sins. It has been listed throughout church history as one of the sins that creeps into your life and corrupts. It is a horrible sin, because it is one that often goes unnoticed like the dust on the top shelf and yet it is consuming and often drives many decisions that result in deep pain and even death. This is not laziness, laziness is nothing compared to this! Slothfulness is best defined as "selfishness that displays itself by taking the path that is the "best" for right now." That means that everything is always done for the present gratification. There is no discipline, no reaching for a higher goal, no looking outside of yourself - it is always focused on doing what is good for now. So, you eat what you want, act like you want, spend your money how you see fit, with no regard to the future.
I had to do a project on the 7 deadly sins last semester and when I got to this one I was deeply convicted. I realized that what I thought was "free spirited" was really selfishness. It was like the curtain was pulled back and I realized all the scum that was really in my life! I cried and laid myself out before the Lord. But it was finals week - crazy life and school - and then it was Christmas. I made a few changes in my life. I decided to exercise more, and got some running buddies so that I would keep it up. I decided to stop drinking caffeine because that was just a prime example of only thinking about what makes me happy now. I started making progress in lots of areas - but....There was one that I left off.
This Sunday in church, that pastor was talking about ways we express our loyalty and commitment to God. He said that as Christians, often we come up with ways like "read my Bible," "pray" or "tell others about Christ" but the one we leave out is the one that is the hardest because it requires us to give something up and to invest in something outside of ourselves. But it is also the one that allows us to acknowledge lots of theology - it is very practical theology - in that when we do it, we recognize that we are a part of a Body, that the Kingdom of God is a present reality that we can be involved in and that we are not living for this world and the things of this world - but that we are living for the manifestation of the Kingdom at Christ's return. All of this by simply tithing!
I was deeply convicted. But as always, I left church, got busy and then this week, I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off - so it is grab lunch here, go out to supper with this friend - and I forgot about showing honor to God by not living for myself in the use of my money.
So, God drove it home in more embarrassing ways - having to call and ask my dad for money - again! I hate doing this, because he always is so gracious....But I know that I just need to be more disciplined.
So, I have been deeply cut again - and today I am walking around with a serious spiritual Band-Aid - but I am learning.
So I am going to make some drastic changes - I am not sure what yet...Maybe no movies! No eating out! Maybe live of the 3 dollars a day that most of the wolrd lives off of! But one thing I know for sure - I have to start watching where, when and how I spend my money!
If I am going to live a life that glorifies God in all areas, If I am going to say that I beleive that I don't have compartments for the "sacred" and the "profane," If I am going to say I can worship God in the "humanity" of my life - then I have to get a hold on my money. God wants me to worship Him in this area!
Father -I confess my selfishness in the area of money. Please give me wisdom, give me advisors, give me a plan so I can actuate this change in my life. Thank you for the conviction of the Holy Spirit in this area. ( and God, thanks that no matter how deeply You cut, and how much You amputate, thanks for reminding me that it is Your love that has driven You do it!) Help me to see the way I spend my money as an act of worship!