What the Heck!

That was the expression as I walked out of my room this morning and went into the kitchen "what the Heck! How could they?!?!?!" Let me splain - last night I went to Dubai with some friends, we were getting back late and since I am on vacation I wanted to sleep in on Easter - they wanted to go to a sunrise service. But in order for that to be really fun, they wanted to have breakfast together. This meant that they had to use my house to eat breakfast (because they can't go to each other's house, because it will "look bad" in this culture) so....I told them that the house was a wreck and that I wanted to sleep - but if they didn't wake me up they could come- trying to discourage their presence as much as possible, I added that there was nothing to eat at my house, I was not cooking for them and if they woke me up I would scream at them! But they decided to come anyway! So, I went to bed last night at 1 and then was awakened to a HUGE mess (on top of my original mess) in the kitchen and I said "What the Heck!" this was quickly followed by "those punks - jerks - I mean Come ON!" I was particularly upset because I am having people over for Easter tonight- for us to have an egg hunt and other things - and I have to clean the house (not the maid that Ris and T have) So, I began to wash their crap - and I was mad! I was saying things like "never again will they be allowed to come here!" And thoughts flooded my mind of other times this week that they have treated me this way - We are watching 24 together as a group (seasons 1 and 2) and we have been watching them 4 episodes at a time, once a week - so last weekend we watched 4 episodes and at 10:30 I needed to go to bed. They were at my house and they didn't want to leave - so I told them they could stay and watch some more, but it was a work day (and none of them work, so they don't understand this) and I needed to be in bed. I got up the next day to a note from one girl saying thanks for letting them watch 24 at my house - but she wasn't there when I went to bed...So I started thinking, "did they watch the season finale without me - at my house - with my Dr Pepper!" (which costs $1 per can!) and I thought, "no - they wouldn't do that to me!" and then the next day I got a text from another girl - asking "did you FINISH 24 yet?" FINISH - what! How could they be so inconsiderate, so selfish, so unlike J to exclude me in my own house! So, today when I woke up on Easter morning to messy dishes and pots and pans - I was about to bust! I mean - COME ON!!!!! I was making plans in my head about what I would do when they asked next time "No, I am sorry - I know that you are leaching, parasitical, selfish brats who think all the world is here to bring you comfort - but the hotel/maid service is closed! And you will just have to find someone else to suck the life out of - you jerks!" Yep - that was what was going through my head (minus a couple of cuss words!) But then I started getting even madder because it was Easter and I shouldn't have to spend resurrection morning cleaning up their crap - I was about to call them and tell them to "get their sorry asses back here to clean up after themselves since I wasn't their mother" when it hit me! It was Easter! The day I celebrate that J has done all that needs to be done for me to live complete in Him - I have no need of a life boat - I have no need to prove myself better than others - I have no need to serve others so that I get more "holy points"- And I have the ability to put others in front of me - to be selfless and to love - following J's example! And here I was mad as a wet hen over dishes! I mean, where is the verse that says "stick up for yourself and don't let others walk on you!" I think it doesn't exist - but twice it says "think of others as more important than yourself!" And here I was on resurrection Sunday, the best day of the year - the day I have been counting down for weeks as I have celebrated lent - and I was ruining it - not them- I was ruining it by having a stinking attitude of selfishness and not counting all my gain as loss and claiming nothing but the Cr oss! So - I had a rude awakening to my selfishness yet again this morning - and the struggle remains "J vs. Oprah" ---- "think as others are more important than yourself" vs. "Make yourself a priority, give to yourself first, it is not selfish to make yourself number one every once in a while" - and the battle rages within me! It is alive and well inside Katy Gilbert! Oh! For the resurrection! My body aches and groans for heaven! Come back soon J!