Forgiveness

I was reading a book 2 weeks ago while I was camping. This feels like it was a lifetime ago because of all the insanity of this week, but it was just 2 weeks ago. The author, Philip Yancey, was talking about virtues that we posses that point to the reality of eternity. He told a story of a woman in South Africa during the Truth and reconciliation commission. This was a commission that was formed after the end of apartheid to discover the truth of the atrocities that were committed during that 20 year period. This woman had seen her husband be "necklaced" which means a tire was filled with gasoline, placed around his neck and then lit on fire. The perpetrators stood around and watched as they burned their victim laughing at how it was faster than killing him and then cremating the body. Then, a few years later, these same men returned and set her son on fire in front of her eyes. During the commission, the judge asked the woman what she wanted this man, the one who lit the fires, to do - she said two things. 1) can you show me where you burned my husband so I can get a handful of dirt and honor his body? 2) I forgive you and I still have a lot of love in my heart to give. I don't have a husband to love or a child to love, so I want to love you - to show you that I truly forgive you. So I want to ask you to come to my house every week so I can show you my love and forgiveness.
The man fainted on the spot.
This is a true story - and there are many more like it in the book "Country of my Skull" - one of the best books I have read all year! This story brought tears to my eyes - reminding me of the truth that allows such a heart of love.
I but the book down - my eyes full of tears and turned off the flashlight. I laid back on the picnic table that was my desk and gazed into heaven.
The stars were out in full force - not clouded by the city lights or the clouds of the storm that would be rolling in - and as I gazed at the beautiful circle dance on the curtain of darkness, I thought ......
It seems that we as humans are great at constructing buildings of pain - they are built with selfishness and sin - and often they seem to form a reality that is suffocating. It seems that sin, and the pain caused by it, is all around us - a earth that fights with itself in hurricanes, flash floods, tornadoes, etc - people that don't care for each other that inflict immeasurable wounds on their fellow men. It is when you gaze deeply into this vat of darkness that it seems that this is the only reality. And then, like pricks of light, pointing to an immensity that can only be imagined, forgiveness shines through. It points to the fact that sin is not all there is, that pain and agony do not rule, that love is bigger and stronger than all the powers of selfishness.
These glimpses into eternity are what break me from my circle of selfishness - this week has been hard, filled with stress....With insecurities ....And sad to admit, selfishness. And at times I took this out on those closest to me. If they didn't have their life in the midst of my madness, if I didn't think that they were struggling enough with me - really, if I felt that they were having fun and living a normal life while mine was torture, then I got mad! So, I told them that I was ticked....And watched them listen to me, watched them stare my selfishness in the eye and then ask me to forgive them for not loving me the "way they should!" - all the while allowing me to be a butt. These encounters jolted me - they allowed light into a room that I thought was impenetrable - they forgave me for my sin!
I have walked around for the last 24 hours reveling in the fact that I am forgiven - that my sin is black, that it walls me in, that it is filled with hurt and agony and pain - but that God has forgiven me, He has broken into my life with a love inexpressible and showed that my reality does include sin.....But it won't forever! :)