the march

I was reminded last night of C.S.Lewis' little diddy about studying during war that is found in Weight of Glory - ok enough- on with the story I was called yesterday afternoon by my room-mate's boyfriend stating that Nic (the room-mate) was swept away in a flash flood - after a few minutes panic - he assured me that she was ok, however another girl that was with her died. I was floored - how does life change so quickly? And if it does - why am I at school - shouldn't I be "doing something" with my life? And why does this "adventure" make me feel as if life is meaningless (is it as if some water can take it away, it must not be that precious)? I went spinning as the last thought filled my head - how revolting! I know that life is precious - because God took the form of humanity - and that has elevated human life to a place that can't be described - much less the fact that God says that humans are created in the image of God and the because we are image bearers we have value! But, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to live - knowing now more than usual that I am marching toward death - and everyday it becomes closer! And that is when CS Lewis punched into my mind - the fact that people are dying - in war, in water, in famine, etc - is not what should make me change my attitude about my occupation (being a student) because men and women are always dying - the question is whether or not studying has merit - and I am pretty sure it does. As I look back at my time at DTS, I realize all the areas that God has stretched me to the limit - my finances, my friends, my singleness, my dreams, my abilities, my insecurities - and I think of all the things that I have learned about God - His grace, His love, His vastness, His desire for redemption, His goal of reconciliation, His coming return, His love for His creation - His love for me (all of me) - His love for people, His desire for me to be wrought with His character- and the list could go on and on and on! So, yes - I am marching toward death, yes, I am aware of that in rare fashion - I am aware that death is scary- even though it shouldn't be, it is - I don't know what it is like, I feel as if I should meet it with certain accomplishments, letters after my name and positions that I have amounted- but that doesn't really matter when you meet him - death just takes you - not your crap!
I am confident that I should have this feeling every day (this awareness of death) - an urgency to live for Christ, a passion to make a difference and a love for life- I think this feeling is what Amy Carmichael meant when she said "love to live and live to love" -