Wearing thin

I sleep in this shirt - it is a cool purple color and has the Baltimore Crab on the front and back. I love this shirt - because it is cool, because it is from my favorite city and because I have had it for years. At some point a few years back, a hole developed and it was made into pajamas. Not that I can't afford pajamas, but I love this shirt and I want to keep it! Well, as I have slept in this shirt over the last few years - combined with the "dyer" in the Emirates (aka on the clothes line in 110 degree heat) a few more holes developed - first in the arm pit, then the other, then a few more in the back, then a few more across the top - and now it has actually managed to remain its shape and be indecent at the same time! I am not sure how this is possible - but it has happened....And I am not sure that it even has merit to be pajamas. (after all is there a point in wearing clothes if they are indecent?) So I am going to have a funeral for my shirt - and let it go into oblivion - and I will mourn its loss!
I feel a little bit like that shirt - I feel as if school is wearing holes in my soul - taking advantage of the areas that I am weak in and blowing them to smithereens! I feel as if my "want to" gets diminished to nothing - because for so long I have just done what I "have to" - today when I get off work, I will do homework for at least 4 hours - and I have already spent 2 solid days reading and every evening for the last umpteen weeks I have done homework! So, I don't want to do homework...But I have to - and what do I want to do? I don't know, it feels like it has been so long since I just got to do whatever I wanted!
And then, look at me - acting like I should be able to do what I want - what about the 10 million kids in northern Uganda that walk almost 10 miles every night and morning to escape the "LRA" and the sure "draft" into their army - or worse, rape, murder, etc. I wonder how many of them are plagued with Oprah's thoughts of "do what I love, love what I do" - or what about the millions dying of hunger in Nigeria, or the thousands that will die today of Aids in sub-saharan Africa? How many of them will think "what is my passion and how can I live that out?"
But even the thoughts of all of these people makes me shrink - how could I begin to make a difference in their lives?
And I am worn out again, this time in a different spot - a big hole is developing.